Compatibility Test for Couples

Six areas where couples fit or clash, from life plans to arguments

8 min · Free · No account

Compatibility Test for Couples: A couple cooking side by side in a small kitchen, one stirring a pan while the other checks a recipe, an eTestor mug on the counter

How do you know if you're compatible with someone?

Matching personalities matter less than most people think. In three large national samples of married couples, how similar the two spouses' personalities were explained less than half a percent of the differences in how satisfied they were, once each person's own traits were taken into account (Dyrenforth and colleagues, 2010). What counts more is how the relationship itself works: whether you feel you're on the same page, how committed you both are and how you handle disagreements. This compatibility test scores six of those areas: shared values, life plans, daily life and money, affection and intimacy, handling conflict, and commitment.

About this test

A love compatibility test for couples, answered by one person about their own relationship or the person they are dating. It scores six areas: Shared values (what matters in life), Life plans (children, where to live, commitment, work), Daily life & money (routines, social life, spending), Affection & intimacy (closeness and time together), Handling conflict (how you argue and make up) and Commitment (how sure you are you're both in it). It looks at how the two of you work together, not at names, birthdays or star signs.

What you'll discover

Shared values
How closely your beliefs and your sense of what matters in life line up.
Life plans
Whether you want the same future: children, where to live, commitment, work.
Daily life & money
How well your routines, social lives, pace and money habits fit day to day.
Affection & intimacy
Whether you want similar amounts of closeness, touch and time together.
Handling conflict
How the two of you disagree: calmly and with repair, or with criticism and shutdowns.
Commitment
How sure you are that both of you are invested and see a future together.

Understanding the Compatibility Test for Couples

This test gives you 48 statements about you and your partner, eight for each area, and takes about 8 minutes. Your strongest area is free when you finish. The full report scores all six, so you can see which areas carry the relationship and which ones the two of you rarely talk about. Answer alone, as things are now, not as you hope they will be.

We ask how well you see yourselves matching, not for two separate personality profiles, and the research is the reason. A meta-analysis of 313 studies by Matthew Montoya and colleagues found that actual similarity predicted attraction when people had not met or had only just met, but its effect in existing relationships was not significant; perceived similarity predicted attraction at every stage (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2008, doi:10.1177/0265407508096700). A larger project pooled 43 studies of 11,196 couples. People's own judgments of the relationship, such as how committed and satisfied they thought their partner was, explained about 45% of their satisfaction, and either person's personality added nothing beyond that (Joel and colleagues, PNAS, 2020, doi:10.1073/pnas.1917036117). How committed people thought their partner was, sexual satisfaction and conflict were among the strongest predictors there, which is why commitment, intimacy and conflict each have a scale here.

How you argue gets a scale of its own for another reason. In John Gottman and Robert Levenson's study of 73 married couples, seen in 1983 and again in 1987, the couples whose conversations were more negative, defensive and withdrawn were more likely to have considered separating or to have separated (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1992, doi:10.1037/0022-3514.63.2.221). The limit is that this is your side of the story. Your partner may see some areas differently, and nothing here can predict whether you will stay together. We left out names, birthdays and star signs on purpose: we know of no research that links them to how couples get along.

Where the Compatibility Test for Couples comes from

This test is eTestor's own construction; there is no single published model of couple compatibility. The six areas follow research on what predicts how couples get along: Montoya, Horton and Kirchner's 2008 meta-analysis of 313 studies, which found that perceived similarity predicted attraction in existing relationships while actual similarity did not; Joel and colleagues' 2020 analysis of 43 studies and 11,196 couples, whose top relationship-specific predictors included perceived partner commitment, sexual satisfaction and conflict; and Gottman and Levenson's 1992 study of how couples argue.

How the Compatibility Test for Couples is scored

Six separate scores, one per area, each the sum of eight statements answered by one partner about the relationship, two of them reverse-worded so that agreeing with everything does not push the result up. A score shows how well you see the two of you fitting in that area, not a measured match between two personalities, and it describes the present: it does not predict whether a relationship will last. The statements are eTestor's own and have not been validated against a published instrument.

Popular framework with contested empirical support

Montoya, R. M., Horton, R. S., & Kirchner, J. (2008). Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta-analysis of actual and perceived similarity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 25(6), 889–922.

Questions people ask

Is the compatibility test free?

Yes. The test and your strongest area are free, with no account needed: just your email at the end. Every score, the written analysis and the certificate are in the full report: $1.99$2.41 in the first 30 minutes after you finish, $3.99$4.83 after that, or included in eTestor Unlimited.

Should my partner take the compatibility test too?

Yes, separately, without comparing answers as you go. The most useful part is often an area where one of you scores a strong fit and the other a gap. It means you see the same thing differently, and that is worth a calm conversation.

Can a compatibility test tell us if we'll last?

No. It describes how you see the relationship now. In the 2020 study of 11,196 couples, whether a relationship got better or worse over time was largely unpredictable from anything people reported about themselves or each other. A low area is something to talk about, not a forecast.

Do opposites attract?

Mostly not. Couples tend to be alike, more in attitudes than in personality: a study of 291 newlywed couples found a lot of similarity in attitudes and little in personality (Luo and Klohnen, 2005, doi:10.1037/0022-3514.88.2.304). Whether being alike makes couples happier is less clear. In large national samples, similar personalities added almost nothing to satisfaction (Dyrenforth and colleagues, 2010). That is why this test asks how you deal with differences, not only whether you have them.

Is this a name or zodiac compatibility test?

No. A love calculator that combines two names, or a match between star signs, gives the same answer to every couple with those names or birthdays. This test asks about the two of you: what you want, how you live day to day and what happens when you disagree.